I lost a relative to suicide some time ago


Dear Diary,

I lost a relative to suicide some time ago. And like so many cases, family members never anticipated his ugly demise.

We were not close, and lived miles away from each other, but whenever we saw each other were always pleased; we occasionally spoke on social media.

When I heard the news I thought it was a cruel joke—perhaps someone enjoyed dark humour; I recalled my last moment with him—we were on the same vehicle. Although we were not close, it still rocked me to the core. And the usual questions followed: Why? Why? Why?

It’s so hard to hear. It’s even harder to see the individual lifeless on the ground minutes after being discovered, and finally, the worst, in an open coffin. And in that infuriating moment, all you want to do is to shake some sense into the individual; bring them back to life and help them realize how witless their action was.

Since we were not close, I would not expect him to confide in me. But what about those he was close to? Weren’t they there? Why didn’t he say something? More importantly, (speaking generally), when someone is going through an excruciatingly painful situation, do we actually pay attention? Many times individuals confide in us and we dismiss them as unimportant and later hate ourselves, wishing we had done otherwise.

Sometimes I think about whether he regretted his decision in that last second—when realization possibly hit him so hard, however, was unable to save himself. That pains me.

Often, we hear individuals adamantly saying “I will never do that!” Of course, we should not. It is wrong. However we are all different, and circumstances bring out various reactions. Instead of crucifying the individual however, share your sympathies, pray that it never happens to you; one usually never foresees what’s behind the curtain.

I remember hearing a story about someone I knew. An individual attempted suicide. The (now) deceased rejected the idea and stated firmly that he would never do such; it’s ludicrous. Sadly, sometime later, did the same; it brought about widespread shock. The cruel, unfortunate, painful irony.

The message I leave with you is to pay attention to those we are close to. Be there for them when they need us. And even those who are not close to—if you realize there is a problem, do all that you can to help.

If you are the one in that situation, despite how much you are hurting at the time, never give up. If there’s one thing I know, it’s the power of God’s love and how God sometimes allows us to go through the ugliest of situations to test our faith. These situations sometimes bring about testimonies.

I never thought I’d discuss my relative’s suicide through a public medium, but somehow, felt the need to write about it this weekend. Perhaps this piece will fall into the right hands. If it does, I’m glad it did and know that God is watching (even though it seems laughable, unbelievable, at the time,) is watching over you.

Have a good weekend loves.

Sincerely, always,

Rae A.

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