We both like each other but I treat him badly

Dear Helpline,
I like this boy in my school; we both like each other but I treat him badly. I want to tell him how I feel but when he’s around girls I get mad. There’s this girl I don’t like who tells him things about me. How can I tell him I’m sorry and that I like him?

Dear Anonymous,
The details of your letter shows that you are still juvenile; I don’t think you are ready for a relationship just yet. This is not the advice you were looking for, I’m sure, but I’m a firm believer in being frank. Getting upset at an individual you have feelings for, and who in turn has feelings for you, simply because he hangs out, or is around other girls is very childish; it shows that you are insecure and that you are not mature enough to deal with a relationship just yet. If the individual is not leading others on, then there is no reason for you to behave in such a way.
Furthermore, you should note that individuals get annoyed with this behaviour very quickly andthat this behaviour, most times, makes you less attractive in the individual’s eyes. You can apologize for your behaviour; think of the things you want to say and most importantly be sincere.

It is usually advised that students refrain from getting involved in relationships at school as it can be a big distraction: jealously/heartbreak even happiness (“lovey dovey” stage) can lead to an individual getting distracted and can affect his/her performance at school. Note that you are not even in a relationship yet and your emotions are getting the best of you.
Additionally, a number of students who are in relationships tend to get involved in activities they are not ready for as yet, which often affects them later on and sometimes gets in the way of their aspirations.

Be sure to take into consideration whether your parents agree with relationships in secondary school—if they believe that students should wait, (which is best), you should do just that. Keep in mind that if you do otherwise, your parents will find out eventually and you may suffer as a result.

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