I can’t tell you how much I hate doing what God wants sometimes

I can’t tell you how much I hate doing what God wants sometimes. (Hopefully God won’t strike me down for admitting this.) Growing up, I heard a million and one sermons: pastors constantly emphasized that individuals should be Christ-like; meaning: we had to embrace those we couldn’t bear seeing, (not even for a minute!) we had to feed those who were greedy, we had to be the bigger person when we absolutely didn’t want to and our lights should illuminate every room; we had to love unconditionally and forgive even when we didn’t want to. (Imagine God asking you to forgive a murderer!) My first thought after typing this: “I don’t know how you could do it, I couldn’t.” (God forgive me).

I constantly have these discussions with my mother: I tell her how hard it is to forgive a grave crime and she reminds me that in order to free myself, I had to forgive. She was right, I knew that, but my heart wanted to cling onto the burning rage I felt deep, deep down inside.

Worst yet, the more I pray about these situations, the worst it seems.

I recall my pastor saying that if you ask God for patience, He will allow obstacles to come in your way to test your patience. Normally, when you ask God to help you in a weak area, shortly after, it gets worst! This is our (forever faithful) God testing us of course.

Today, I am still battling certain situations which I intend to overcome. (I just have to get over that grudge…)

The reality, however, is that we must do what is right. Who says God will give you time to get over that grudge? No excuse, unfortunately, will suffice when we meet our Maker. (I bent my head and groaned after I wrote this as I realized how true this is). Perhaps this is God’s way of telling me that I must finally do what is right. (Let go and let God Rae…)

Earlier this week, I greeted an individual who was never warm when I said hello. My first instinct was to go about my business and not give this individual the time of day. “To hell with you then, I don’t have to greet you,” I thought, sucking my teeth in typical Lucian style.

I knew, however, that this was not the right response and told myself that I had to do what was right. Furthermore, what if I collapsed in the individual’s presence one day and needed help?

Doing the right thing, most times, is no fun. Even the smallest ‘sacrifice’ seems like a mountain- sized task! Doing the right thing, however, shows growth and will allow you to move further in life. Don’t tackle the biggest challenge right away; start with the smaller ones then move on to the greatest one. (I’ll get back to you when I get rid of that grudge and I’m sure that I’ll write a best-seller subsequently.)

Have a good weekend guys.

Sincerely, always,

Rae A.

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