Dear Helpline,
I am in a predicament and I don’t know what to do. I recently broke it off with my high school sweetheart, who got some other girl pregnant. And is now asking me to get back together with him, he said he was sorry and that it would never happen again.
But I have begun to move on and have been on a few dates, and I am interested in two guys and recently found out that one of the guys has a girlfriend and a child. I really like him but I don’t like doing to his girlfriend what was done to me. And the other guy has expressed feelings for but I feel like he isn’t showing as much interest as he should or maybe he’s just shy I’m not sure.
Mrs. Peppermint Tea
Dear “Peppermint Tea”,
I’ll be forthright: I honestly think you have come to a decision already. My reason for coming saying this is because usually, when in situations of this kind, we know in our hearts what we want and just want others’ take on things.
Let’s start off with your high school sweetheart. There are a number of things to consider before checking that individual off your list for good. Many would suggest that you part ways immediately as it seems like the sane thing to do. However, before making any rash decisions give this thorough thought. Of course, cheating, no matter how delicately worded, is wrong in every way. However, depending on the nature of the relationship, sometimes it does not call for the typical reaction. Give this thorough thought. Consider how many years you have been with this person and whether this person genuinely loves you minus the ironic bit—the unforeseen pregnancy. What was the relationship like prior to all of this occurring? After you have thought all of this through, ask yourself whether the love is strong enough to withstand such—in essence, is it worth it? “Mistakes” happen even when we love someone. Perhaps you both were in a dark place and the relationship got tough and rather than communicating, drifted apart, which led to his foolish action.
Keep in mind that this may not be the case at all. I want you to look at this from all angles. Do you think it was genuinely a mistake? Or did he submit to a weak moment way too easily?
After you have done all of this, or prior to if you prefer, talk to him at length. If you have already done so, replay the conversation and ask yourself whether you want to stay in the relationship or whether you want to start afresh. Keep in mind that if you decide to remain in the relationship, it will only get tougher as there are many challenges that lie ahead. Give this serious thought.
With regard to the second guy, you mentioned that he has a girlfriend and a child. Hon, steer clear of this guy. This guy has no good intentions and will break your heart. It’s good that you compared the girlfriend’s situation to yours and I trust that you will do the right thing. How did you feel when you discovered your high school sweetheart cheated? How do you feel now? I’m sure it’s still painful as ever. Would you honestly want someone to go through the same thing you’re experiencing? Furthermore, if you enter a relationship with this guy, wouldn’t it seem like you deserved what happened? You would be no different from your high school sweetheart after all. Keep in mind this guy also has a child; this is a family. You do not want to break a family apart—he’s willing to take that chance but do not participate in this ugly game. Remember you deserve someone who is willing to give you their all and not someone who wants to keep things in hushed tones.
Finally, I think you should express your thoughts to the last guy. What is his reaction? His reaction alone will tell you all you need to know. If you discover that this guy genuinely likes you and you like him in return, x the other guys out of the picture and take things very slowly. If not, though difficult, you must move on.
I’m sure you are a great girl; you deserve the best.
You may even need to spend some time by yourself before you start dating again.
You may also want to get advice from other trusted friends or family members who always offer sound advice. This too can help.
I sincerely hope you make the right decision and that everything works out for the best.
